consistency & balance
an exploration of what makes me proud & a bit about january
Recently, I was asked about my proudest moment in my life. I thought about my list usual of accomplishments and moments I felt good about my work. It frequently went along the lines of “what’s most impressive”, “what had the most impact” or “what sounds the coolest”. This one time, I took all the time in the world to breathe and answer.
I’ve really been enjoying taking deep breaths before answering deep questions and this time was no exception. It clears my head, creating a blank canvas for deeper thoughts. My usual rehearsed answer never got its turn. Instead, I tried to decipher the commonality between different experiences that seemingly had nothing in common yet were top of mind. They were the kinds of experiences that fail the aforementioned questions but held high significance to me. Why?
I’ve written about these feelings before and in hindsight, it’s obvious that I cared about this. Yet regretfully, I’ve never given it priority. I’ve learned that I appreciate experiences that embody consistency. Many times in the past, they happened out of necessity, not out of will. If you only let life come to you, you’re playing a game of luck. If you let yourself go after life, you’re playing a game of merit.
Survival instincts often gift us perseverance. Being forced into unfavorable situations has been a blessing in disguise because in the same way I’m forced into the unfavorable situation, survival instincts usually force me out with a hidden lesson on consistency. In that way, I’ve been lucky.
The year has been nothing short of that manifestation so far. I frequently dance with this line many would label as crazy optimism but I prefer the term optimistically crazy. It’s been an exercise to test the resilience of my optimism, the power of consistency and the potential of my happiness.
I have a few big challenges this year. One of the big challenges for me this year is to make a 3-4 hour per day commute work. I’m a couple of weeks in and it’s been a great test. Part of me gets anxious knowing that I could be working and that I’ll fall behind in terms of hours devoted into my work. The optimist in me has been trying to reframe this circumstance into something more palatable. In short, I’ve been reserving this time as me time to think, listen, read and write (I’m in transit near Redwood city now!), each of which are beneficial in my personal and professional growth and mental health.
I’ve slowly started romanticizing the commute. It’s been beautiful moving through the arteries of the Bay Area. It’s my first time commuting on the Caltrain and there’s something humbling about being surrounded by a community of commuters in the early mornings. The scenery and sun has also been great. Paired with music, it’s been a new auditory experience that I’d never get at home or at a concert. I’ve surrendered most of my weekdays, knowing that I’m not trading my evening for work but rather for this peaceful commute.
Work itself has been a new challenge. It’s my first time working as an engineer with other engineers since my internship days. I’ve been doing my best to adopt the mindset of coachability, a trait highly praised in the sports world. It’s a constant exercise of evaluating what I know, what I don’t know and what I can do about it. I’ve been trying to get through every rookie mistake possible while ensuring sure I don’t make the same mistake twice. Treating work as an experience I want to be proud of is something that matters a lot to me which is why I want think about how to incorporate consistency.
Consistency has a recipe. Another way to think of creating consistency is how to prevent inconsistency. It’s all a game of balance. It’s a wobbly experience putting all of our weight into one leg but all it takes is a second leg for us to be able to stand tall and steady. How can we view our day to day activities as an act of balance? The way I translate this analogy into real life is with a framework for thinking about activities and commitments.
On the x-axis, it goes from orderly to chaotic. On the y-axis, it goes from passive to skillful. I mapped out a bunch of regular activities I regularly engage in throughout the week. Each activity has its own purpose, including commutes, walking, chores, etc. Some replenish, others deplete. Some stress, some relax.
I think of my schedule as a free flowing pomodoro exercise where I burst out periods of intensity and treat all of my other activities as recharge. The benefit of this framework is that it allows me to think of watching TV or riding a Caltrain as productive activities that prepare me to do my best work. And if I’m constantly well recharged, then the hope is that I don’t burn out during my intense periods and am able to be consistent for longer. The pomodoro technique works not because of the time you work but because of the time you rest in between.
I’ve found that the days when I’m least consistent weren’t because I didn’t spend enough time in the intense zone but because I didn’t respect the time I needed for the relax zone. For example, when I’m injured and I don’t get to do my workouts, the balance feels off and I don’t do my best work. We all have a bias towards a certain zone and it’s up to us to calibrate ourselves to the best balance to maximize “pace”.
It’s a difficult exercise to figure out what’s the fastest pace you can maintain for an entire marathon. But when you do find that pace, it will lead you to your best possible marathon time. Similarly, finding the right balance that allows me to maintain a high throughput of intensity for a long period of time will hopefully allow me to create more experiences I feel proud of.
a bit about january
Early January was all about being as bored as possible. I didn’t want to miss the last days of freedom, I wanted to feel excited for the upcoming days of work. Since starting my new job, it’s been one of the most exhilarating rides I’ve been on in a while. More on my work and Codeium in another issue.
My Caltrain commutes have been my main time to unwind. I’ve started listening to music again (Japanese Math Rock, house and jazz DJ sets) and am trying to get through 1Q84, a book with a size that’s daunted me since I was introduced to Murakami. I’ve stopped playing video games and I’ve started spending even more time writing both privately and publicly, untangling the knots of the day to day life.
I’ve also been ambitiously squeezing in runs in the morning before my commutes, hoping to clock in just enough weekly miles to make my goal of 1,000 miles run this year. So far so good, 113 miles in January! Hoping to stay consistent with this in the early mornings. Let me know if you want to join me on a GGP run!
Thanks for tuning in to a late January edition. To make up for being late, here are some of my favorite tunes of January: